I should warn you up front that this is a completely random post that has absolutely nothing to do with writing and everything to do with me finally finding my snark again. With that warning in hand, feel free to read on.
I have three email accounts. Yes three -- one for my writing correspondences, one for spam (you know that address you give the websites that "require" it in order to get past there front page) and one for personal, everyday life. Up until yesterday, it was working well. Three different parts of my life literally contained in three separate boxes. Apparently yesterday, the email gods got their singles all messed up. Either that or I need to take a long, hard look at my spam filter.
Okay, so this morning, coffee in hand, I open up my "writing email" because let's face it, those of us who are querying, critiquing, on submission always ALWAYS go to that email box first. since 11pm last night I have racked in 257 emails. Now, I know I'm popular, but seriously, I'm not that good. It was loaded down with spam. Lots and lots of spam. That got me thinking . . . what does my email say about me? I mean isn't this the decade of "target marketing?" Apparently not, because according to my email, as I will illustrate below, my life sucks.
Without further commentary, I proudly introduce you to my life a la spam:
I am an overweight, middle-aged housewife who is interested in the secrets of losing ten pounds of belly fat. I am depressed and need to seek treatment from a Canadian pharmacy. Lucky for me, said pharmacy will also ship me, free of charge mind you, little blue pills to perk up my husband's sex life. Of course that comes after I peruse the dating sites for singles "my own age." I am in financial ruin and need to consider re-financing my mortgage. That's probably because yesterday alone I shipped hundreds of dollars of adult toys from an amazon account I don't own. But fear not, I have just inherited $2,000,000 from some overseas family that is somehow related to me. All I need to complete that transaction is to give them my banking information. My kids are unruly and needed to be tested for ADHD (said Canadian pharmacy can help me out there as well) I am going to learn two new languages in under one week, and then I am going to buckle down and get my online degree as a health assistant. You know, because that whole law school thing I trudged through fifteen years ago just isn't working out. I need to order flowers for my Dad (because he's such a flower kind of guy) and apparently I am eligible to win free sandwich from Subway for a year. Oh yeah . . . and I am going bald.
So that's what my email says about me this morning. How about you, what does your inbox say about you?