If I didn't laugh at them, I would lose my mind.

I will digress from writing themes today in favor of a bit of humor.  It doesn’t happen often (me being funny that is) so enjoy the rare moment.

I have a lot of friends, family, acquaintances, strangers who happen to know I live on Cape Cod (just kidding…kinda) who come and stay with me throughout the summer.  This year, to keep my sanity, each night I started jotted down some of the insane things that were said, like a journal of stupid if you will. Thought I would share some of my favorites.

                                                  Situation 1

Family member:  You are making hamburgers?

Me: Shakes my head and motions to the large tray of meat I have just depositid on the grill.

Family Member: But I am a vegetarian.

Me:  Really? Curious, why? (I honestly was – she recently married into my family, and I had no idea)

Family member:  I just don’t believe in killing animals for food.  It is cruel, especially when we have plenty of other renewable sources of food to choose from.

Me:  So you don’t have think animals should be killed for any human-related reasons?

Family Member:  NO!  Absolutely not!

Me:  Hmm . . . those are some mighty fine leather sandals you are wearing.

Funny thing is, she still has yet to make the connection between the shoes and the cow.  Far be it from me to explain it to her.

                                                     Situation 2

Wife of Friend:  Can you believe they robbed that man's house at two in the afternoon?  (Apparently she had gotten hold of a newspaper or two while she was here)

Me:  I just shrug, curious and a bit confused as to where she is going with this.

Wife of friend:  I mean, it’s the middle of the day, don’t these people have jobs?

Me (after two classes of wine and a very long day):  Are you serious?  Stealing people’s shit IS their fucking job.  (I apologize for the language, and I usually don't swear at my guests, but I know here husband well, I was tired, and well that is actually what I said. If it any consolation, both my husband and my friend spit their wine clear across the table in laughter when I said it.)

                                              
                                                       Situation 3

Me:  I am going fishing, does anybody want to come?

Cousin: What are you going to catch?

Me:  Strippers, maybe a Sea Bass

Cousin:  Okay, I’ll come, but I don’t want you to hurt the fish?

Me: What? (imagine my face screwed up in irritation)  You do know I am going to grill whatever I catch for dinner, right?

Cousin:  Yeah, but I just don’t want you to hurt it when you reel it in.

Me:  Hmm…let’s see.  I am going to jab it with a big hook, embed said hook in its mouth as I reel it in, gut it, filet it, then toss it on a grill.  Yeah, shouldn’t hurt a bit.

Suffice it to say, she stayed home and had a hotdog for diner.

                                               

                                                          Situation 4

Plain old idiot:  I ran into to some friends I haven’t seen since high school today.

Me, feigning interest:  Really, was it weird or fun?

Plain old idiot:  Great, we were conversating about our lives and all that has changed.

Me, shaking my head as I bang it on the table out of sheer frustration::  It is conversing, the word is conversing, or talking, or catching up, but no conversating.

The Crooked Path

I am usually a very linear writer.  I’m not an outliner or a plotter so to speak, but I do have a very definitive plan for each of my manuscripts. I start at chapter one and power through the scenes in a perfectly chronological fashion.  Sometimes that means I spend days getting that one chapter perfect, other times it means I sail through four or five chapters before hitting a stumbling block.

As you now I am excitedly powering through a new YA contemporary manuscript of mine.  I didn't hit a wall so to speak, more like a giant, granite boulder that is refusing to budge.  I can walk around it, probably even scale it, but it is going to take some time.  Problem is, behind that boulder is perfectly flat, smooth writing terrain.   I was thinking about breaking rank and moving on.  For the sake of momentum, I am leaving that chapter behind and starting the next.  I will write through to the end with the intention of circling back to annoying chapter in a few weeks. Perhaps by then, I will have figured out the best way to rid my landscape of the giant rock.

What do you think -- good idea or bad?  Do you ever write outof order in the hopes that the solution to that troublesome scene will unveil itself with some time and distance?

Finally . . . it's back!

My Muse slammed herself back into place this morning, and HOLY CRAP does she mean business.   She brought with her the best idea I have had yet for a YA Contemporary.  And a rather extensive search indicates that the theme/ plot has not been done yet.  So new idea and loads of creative energy hopefully will equal one kick-ass book.  Off to write!  Enjoy your day!

Perfectly Pure Silence

I am sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop fired up and a deliciously hot cup of coffee.  The dog is passed out on top of the AC vent, my cat is somewhere licking himself silly, and my son is away at sleep-over camp.  The only sound in my house is the tapping of my laptop keys as I wrote this post.  It is perfectly, purely silent.

Normally I love the noise, the flow of kids and pets streaming through my house.  In fact silence around here usually means something has gone horribly wrong.  But not today! Nope, I have waited 26 long days for this silence, and it is heavenly.  See I live here.

And I spend most of my nights doing this:

Or catching these:

Which means my friends and family (who I all adore) all come to visit and stay with me.  That turns my house into a pseudo one of these:

                                 BED & BREAKFAST
                                             You sleep and relax while

                                  I do all the work!

Which, unfortunately, means I had to make the beds, and the breakfast, and the lunch, and the dinner  . . .  Not any more.  Today, for the first time in over 3 weeks, I have no company.  A quick look at my calendar says I'm not expecting anymore until the end of August.  Translation -- my house, my coffee machine, my boat, and MY WRITING TIME are all mine!!!!  Well, for four weeks at least.

Hope you all are having a great and peaceful Summer!