Thursday, May 26, 2011

AARGH . . . Summer

So we are at the start of a three day weekend.  For most people that means the start of summer, some well deserved down time, maybe even some yard work. To me, and all the other people who live on Cape Cod, it means tourists and loads and loads of traffic.

It's only Thursday.  Last time I checked Friday was still a work day, yet I found myself sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the highway, surrounded by out of state plates.  It took me 25 minutes to go 1.5 miles.  1.5 flipping miles!  So in advance of all the tourists waiting to invade my space, here's a little recap of the things that annoy me the most.  And yes we can be snarky around here. It's not that we don't like you, we're just naturally sarcastic.

~ A round-about is just that  . . . something you drive around.  Do not attempt to back up should you miss your exit.  Simply drive around the circle again and pay better attention.

~ Do not stop me in the supermarket to ask me where the best place to view whales is.  I will, not so politely, tell you to try the ocean . . . say five miles off shore.

~ There is no tunnel to the Cape.  There are two bridges or you can swim.  Those fake tunnel passes you see on our cars are indeed a joke . . . at your expense.

~ If you slip your boat onto my mooring while I am out fishing, I can guarantee it won't be there when you get back.

~Following up on that note . . . the dock at the end of my yard is not, I repeat NOT for public use.  Do not tie up to it, do not use my hose to wash the fish scales of your boat, and for the love of God do not disembark your vessel and knock on my back door seeking directions.

~Reident parking is just that . . . for residents.  If you have New Jersey plates, I'm guessing you don't live here.

~And lastly, quahogs and clams ARE NOT the same thing. 

On that note.  Welcome to summer.  Feel free to come play with me on Cape Cod.  I really am actually a nice person . . . just ask my critique partners :)


  1. My sister used to live there but just recently moved. She is a travelling nurse so she just wonders around. It makes it nice to have a different place to visit from time to time.

  2. as a former resident of the cape (graduated from Chatham High) may I add that it's pronounced scollops even though it's spelled scallops.

  3. Sounds like it will be totally crazy around there for a while!

  4. Two points for mshatch. I should do a whole separate post on local vernacular. That be fun.

  5. LOL!! Sounds like you had quite a day!!! Hope the rest of the summer is less hectic.

  6. You made me laugh. I live in a high traffic tourist area as well. Would love to tell them speedos are forbidden.

  7. LOL I can't imagine how annoying the influx of people is during the summer. Here, it's just always overcrowded but at least they keep to themselves:)

  8. I feel your pain. I'm in RI and it amazes me how as the seasons change so does the flow of traffic.

  9. I love what you wrote in your profile about 'wicked smaht.' Made me smile.

  10. Good luck with tourist season! I hope people will be more respectful of private property this year.

  11. My mom was telling me that last year when she was in Italy,this old Italian guy stood up suddenly on the piazza and started sreaming, "Ti odio turisti!" (odio-hate)

    S.B. Niccum
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